


Therefore I am...

by greekchalamet



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, But with good reason, Engaged, Heavy Angst, Hurt No Comfort, It's techinically endgame iwaoi, M/M, Oikawa is BRUTAL, Sad Ushijima Wakatoshi, attempted reconcilliation, but its not mentioned, iwaoi is engaged, like really mean, lots of feelings, olympic player oikawa, since they're you know, ushijima is injured, ushioi - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-15
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 03:46:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27567703
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/greekchalamet/pseuds/greekchalamet
Summary: It’d been seven years. Seven long, strenuous but, at the same time, wonderful years of peace for Tooru. He had his dream career, a nice home with his wonderful fiance, Hajime, an easy commute to the gym where he practiced and best of all, he hadn’t seen the actual bane of his existence since his first olympic tournament. Which is why he didn’t understand how he was face to face with him again, seven years later, at a dog park.
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Oikawa Tooru/Ushijima Wakatoshi
Comments: 7
Kudos: 52





	Therefore I am...

**Author's Note:**

  * For [soundslikeawhisper](https://archiveofourown.org/users/soundslikeawhisper/gifts).



> This is dedicated to and inspired by the wonderful soundslikeawhisper on TikTok! Please show her lots of love. Just a heads up, Oikawa is going to be VERY harsh at times, but in my opinion with good reason.

It’d been seven years. Seven long, strenuous but, at the same time, wonderful years of peace for Tooru. He had his dream career, a nice home with his wonderful fiance, Hajime, an easy commute to the gym where he practiced and best of all, he hadn’t seen the actual _bane_ _of his existence_ since his first olympic tournament. Which is why he didn’t understand how he was face to face with him again, seven years later, at a dog park.

“Wakatoshi. You’re… different.” His eyes could easily tell him it was said man in front of him, but his brain and heart didn’t want to believe it. Somehow, he looked taller and definitely less robust, chiseled arms still being clung by the slightly transparent white long sleeve he was wearing. His hair was longer from what he remembered, Wakatoshi having enough for it to be pulled into a small ponytail. His usually bored expression was no longer there, replaced with genuine surprise.

“Ah, Oikawa-san.” He rumbled, his gravelly voice always taking Tooru by surprise. Tooru let a small smirk creep onto his face, too passive aggressive to attempt to hide it.

“I didn’t mean that as a compliment, stupid.” Wakatoshi visibly gulped, punching more pride into Tooru. It was wrong to be this cocky, wrong to be this proud to see his ex die a little inside, but all remorse walked out the door back when Wakatoshi did. He wanted to relish in this. He, almost, wanted to watch him cry. 

“Oh, um…” Tooru could almost  _ see _ his inner turmoil. It made him proud. The loud barking and yipping of dogs was almost blowing his ears off, making him give a gruff sigh. Wakatoshi seemed to be just as disgruntled, his thick brows furrowing. It made something in Tooru’s chest flutter, something he recognized all too well. It made him feel queasy as he tugged the leash for Rarity to come back over, the black labradoodle obediently running over seconds later. Oikawa hadn’t even come up with the name, Hajime did. 

_ “Look how pretty she is, Tooru. It’s perfect.” _

_ “Can’t she just have a normal name like Squeegee or Coal or something?” _

_ “Which one of those were considered normal!?” _

Wakatoshi snapped his fingers, his black pittbull rushing over and licking his hand. A terrifying dog for a terrifying man. Suitable. “Maybe we should go somewhere quieter.” Tooru scoffed, half of it being a laugh. 

“Why? There’s nothing to say.” He folded his arms over his chest, his ring cold against his arm. Wakatoshi sighed and rolled his shoulders, as if  _ he _ had the right to be annoyed. He’s the one who walked over to Tooru in the first place with his whole ‘let’s catch up’ attitude that just pissed Tooru off. 

“Please? I would like to catch up.” Tooru didn’t know what it was. Maybe it was the softness in his eyes or the way his brow furrowed, but not angrily, more concern than anything. Maybe it was the way he was gently petting his dog or just the pure  _ hope _ in his expression. All that mattered was that Tooru huffed out a small-

“Fine. Just let me put Rarity in the car.” He turned on his heel as quickly as he could and power walked to his car, grumbling vicious insults under his breath. He unlocked the door and put the puppy in her kennel, kissing her forehead before doing so. Why did he agree? Why is he putting himself through this? Just a quick catch up, that will be it. He twirled his keys as he walked back over to where Wakatoshi had been standing, assuming he must be putting his own dog away. The sky was already starting to become dark, the hour rapidly approaching 6pm. Only Tooru, Wakatoshi and a dozen other idiots would think it’d be a great idea to walk a dog this late. He had dinner with Hajime at 9 and he knew damn well he’d have to be there bright eyed and bushy tailed if he wanted his head to stay attached to his neck, so for god’s sake could Wakatoshi  _ please _ hurry the fuck-

A strong hand landed on Tooru’s shoulder rather heavily, making the brunette scream bloody murder. The rest of the people at the park looked at him, afraid it was a small child being taken away. He immediately clapped his hands together and started a rhythm of small bows and apologies to everyone at the park, sighing with relief when they gave him relieved smiles and small laughs. He whipped around and smacked Wakatoshi’s hand, the taller man not reacting to the physical scolding.

“Don’t touch me, idiot.” Tooru grumbled and adjusted his leather jacket. It was a birthday gift from Hajime, more like something they could have to match. “Now, where are we going?”

* * *

The bar was warm, even for a cold winter night. People were everywhere and chattering amongst each other, men trying to pick up women and women ignoring every wasted breath. Tooru had grumbled the entire walk, constantly reminding Wakatoshi how easy it would have been to just drive and not be athletic for just one hour. Of course, the stoic spiker didn’t reply to his whining. It was one of the many things Tooru despised about him. 

They both walked over to the bar, Tooru being the first to sit down. He rested his palm against the side of his face as he scanned the options with a bored expression. He wouldn’t drink too much that night, and due to the dinner he was already supposed to be having with his fiance soon, he refused to eat anything offered to him either. Not that food would be much of an issue at a  _ bar, _ though. Wakatoshi sat down next to Tooru, immediately calling the bartender over. He didn’t even need to think, he just knew what he wanted. Tooru grinded his teeth.

“Can we have two wheat beers, please?” Wakatoshi asked, his voice booming even when he was trying to stay hushed. Tooru immediately wrinkled his nose and waved his hands, giving a disgusted look over to Wakatoshi. 

“I don’t drink beer,” He announced plainly, earning wide eyes from Wakatoshi.

“But-”

“I drank it  _ seven years ago,  _ dimwit.” Wakatoshi stared, unable to get any words out, while Tooru snarled. The uncomfortable silence was almost choking, something Tooru hated. He turned back to the bartender, giving a small apology. “I’m sorry, ignore him.” He tapped his chin as he pondered on what he wanted. “One wheat beer and one  _ cherry martini _ , wet.” The bartender nodded.

“How do you want it?” The tattooed man asked, already grabbing the liquor. 

“Gin.” And that was the end of that. Tooru pulled out his phone and scrolled through his feed with a vacant expression, smiling when he saw Hajime’s post with Kyoutani. Over time, Kyoutani seemed to admire Hajime more and more and even though he still resented Tooru, seeing the impact his fiance had on him lessened the sting. Kyoutani was even  _ smiling _ in the photo, his eyes shining. A large hand was placed over his phone, consequently being placed over his thumb, too. He recognized the bruised middle finger and pulled his hand away, scowling as hard as he could. “What part of don’t touch me don’t you understand?” 

“It’s considered rude to be on your phone when you’re with someone else.” Wakatoshi grumbled, not reacting to Tooru baring his teeth. God, he was annoying.

“It’s only considered rude when you’re with someone you like.” He looked away from Wakatoshi as he was handed his drink, holding the glass delicately. “Thank you.” The bartender’s eyes lingered on Tooru, scanning his body. The setter squirmed under his gaze and slid his hand to wiggle his ring finger, silently announcing his relationship status. The bartender flushed and gave a curt nod, walking over to someone else sitting at the bar. This was already a shitshow and they’d only been there for about twenty minutes. He sipped his drink as his eyes scanned the scenery on the walls. “I can’t believe you took me out to a  _ bar _ as reconciliation after seven years.”

“Did you want me to take you to a five star restaurant?” Tooru scoffed.

“You’re not funny.” 

“I’m not joking. I really would.” The two stared at each other, Wakatoshi’s expression vacant while Tooru was bewildered. Did he just casually he’d practically take him on a date? Where was the shame for this man and why on Earth did he even have the balls to suggest something like that? The silence between them was deafening.

“I saw you on the Olympics.” Wakatoshi suddenly blurted, making Tooru turn his head. He smirked at the spiker as he took another sip. 

“That was two years ago, Ushijima. You fan or something? I can give you my autograph.” Tooru teased, his shit-eating grin making Wakatoshi give a small growl. He continued, resuming his position of his hand on his cheek. “I didn’t see  _ you, _ though. Where were you watching from?” Silence. Ah, the sweet, sweet sound of silence. It told a million words while making a peep. Wakatoshi grumbled something under his breath, something Tooru didn’t quite catch. “What was that?”

“Home. I watched it from home.” Wakatoshi cursed under his breath, making Tooru throw his head back with laughter. He set his drink down to clutch his stomach, his howling being drowned out by the rowdy bar. Wakatoshi stared at him, stunned, and gripped his glass tight. “I thought you were above this, Tooru.” Said man shook his head and snickered as he came down from his laughing fit.

“You should know I’m  _ below  _ it.” Wakatoshi sighed. He sipped his drink and put it down slowly, staring into the distance. This time, the silence between them made Tooru shifty. Why wasn’t he saying anything? Why were they even here? Tooru sure wasn’t going to be the one to start the conversation.

“Who is it?” Wakatoshi asked, his eyes darting to Tooru’s hand. The brunette gave a confused hum before following his gaze, understanding his question when he saw his own ring.

“Oh, Hajime.” There was a soft chuckle. Wakatoshi… laughed. Laughed at his engagement. Laughed at Tooru’s happiness. “What’s so funny, bastard?” The laughter grew, Wakatoshi placing his hand over his mouth. 

“Nothing, nothing. I just assumed the two of you secretly despised each other, that’s all.” Tooru scoffed and rolled his eyes.

“Yeah? How do you think  _ we _ started out, hm? Did you think that I thought you were all sunshine and rainbows, dipshit?” That shut the big bastard up. He scratched the nape of his neck and sipped his beer, exposing a sliver of skin from his shirt. Tooru rolled his eyes. “Plus, my fiance would never leave me without explanation.” 

“Tooru-” He waved his hand to cut the spiker off with a disgusting smirk. He pressed his fingers to his temples and sucked his teeth, turning all the way to Wakatoshi. 

“Do you know how many weeks I spent sobbing into my pillow thinking ‘What did I do wrong,’ over and over again? I felt like I couldn’t even  _ breathe _ without you. I had forgotten how to do anything. I felt like a fucking child.” He sighed and clicked his tongue. “Why did you  _ really _ want to talk to me, Toshi?” The nickname felt strange on his tongue after all this time.

“Are you asking for brutal honesty?” Tooru nodded. “To say congratulations. You.. you’ve finally beat me.” The setter was silent, his jaw hanging open with astonishment at Wakatoshi finally speaking the words he’d been dreaming of.

“Thank you.” Silence.

“And to fix what I broke.”

“Stop.” Tooru stopped the swirling of his drink. If looks could kill, Wakatoshi would be six feet under. “What the hell are you talking about?” Wakatoshi swallowed and cleared his throat.

“I was wrong to leave you, Tooru. I left you broken and alone and I’m sure you want to kill me, which I would inevitably allow.” Tooru balled his hands into fists. “I apologize, as whole heartedly as I can. I’m assuming you know how amazing you are. I mean, look at how much you have grown, but I’ve grown too and I-”

“Just stop, Ushijima. Just… stop. I can’t do this right now.” Tooru could feel it. He could feel that mortifying sting of welling tears in his eyes, yet he didn’t have the heart to stop it. He left his drink on the counter, adjusting his jacket on his way out of the sweaty bar. The cold air slapped him in the face as he walked out, his body racking with shivers. He should have never come here. He should have never faced him. Why, why would he do this to himself? How stupid could he be? He’s the same Ushijima. Stoic face, giant heart. He hated it. He hated, hated, hated,  _ hated  _ it. As he started to walk down the sidewalk, large fingers gripped his wrist. Tooru immediately yanked out of the grasp, whipping around to face Wakatoshi.

“Tooru, please-” 

“What, Wakatoshi? What on earth is there to  _ possibly _ say?  _ You _ left  _ me. _ You  _ lost  _ me. Do you think I’m an idiot?” He took a step closer. “Do you really think I’d just come running back to you at some shitty bar with your half assed apology and twenty dollar drinks?” Wakatoshi stared blankly at him, brows slightly furrowed. Tooru breathed shakily, thrusting his hand with his ring finger in front of him. “Look at it.” Wakatoshi continued to stare. “Look at it!!” Tooru screeched. Wakatoshi, finally, followed his command, his eyes drifting down at the ring and his face contorting into a frown. “I’m  _ happy  _ now. I thought I’d never be able to say that after you left me high and dry, but I can. Can’t you be happy for me too?”

“No, Tooru, I can’t!” Wakatoshi spat, his hands balled into tight fists. Tooru jumped at his volume, taking a step back. “I still love you. I don’t know how I still have after all this time but I still want you. I thought running away would fix it all and I’d just have no more distractions but as long as you’re around, I’ll want you.” The only noise was the sound of the bar’s chatter and the cold wind in their ears. Hot tears rolled down both of their cheeks, the only type of warmth they would ever share.

“Well. That’s quite the revelation.” Tooru took the first calm breath that night. “But in all honesty, I don’t give a shit.”

“Huh?” 

“I don’t love  _ you,  _ and for the first time I’m not mulling it over. I’m not gonna ruin my happiness for this little fantasy world in your head that entertains the idea of me still being hung up on you, okay?” He sighed. “Go find someone who still cares about you, Wakatoshi. I’m not your friend. I’m not  _ anything _ to you.” 

The loud ringing of Tooru’s phone broke the silence that had fallen over them, a smile pulled onto his face at the caller I.D.

_ “Where are you, Shitty-kawa? We have just over an hour to get to the restaurant. Where the hell are you?”  _

“Sorry, sorry. Don’t worry, I’ll be there. I just…” He looked up at Wakatoshi. “It was nothing, really. I’ll be there soon, sorry baby. I love you.” Tooru could hear Hajime’s baffled chuckle on the other side of the line. He turned his speaker on.

“Tsk, I love you, too, stupid. See you in a minute. Bye.” 

“Bye-bye.” He hung up and stared at the ace in front of him for a moment. 

“Goodbye, Wakatoshi. See you at the Olympics, maybe.” He turned on his heels, walking slowly to his car. Behind him, he could hear the descending footsteps of Wakatoshi. He hoped he’d find his path. 


End file.
